I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
