I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How does it feel to date your dad?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
