Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
