A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
