I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
