That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
