So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
