you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
