She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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