i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
