i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
