i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
