I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
