He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Life is so much better after having sex.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
