im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
