Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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