so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
