sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
