saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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