so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
