Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
