So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
