I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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