Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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