okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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