the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
