i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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