Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
