i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
