i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
