just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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