Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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