I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
