we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
