I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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