i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
