Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
pray to the hookup gods
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
