Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
