hotel room ftw
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just gift wrapped bread.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
