You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
