wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
