Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
