I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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