I could make wine with my vomit
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
