i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
