I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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