does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I stole a fireplace last night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
