So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
