I want to have your abortion
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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