just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
