How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you never un-have a 4some
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
