I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
