apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
