If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
