time to smoke my breakfast
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
