bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
