Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
