So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Fuck appropriateness.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
