I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
